"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
