Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
