my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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