just come out here and I will go home with you...
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
