When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
