She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
