the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
