Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
