How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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