I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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