It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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