smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
