dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
