I just pynch a tree in the face
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
