guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
