Is it normal to miss your booty call?
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
