...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
