My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
