I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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