somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
the day after is always just damage control
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize