It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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