Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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