did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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