I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
