I need help removing her.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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