just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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