This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
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