How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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