Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
