I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
