You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
