today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
