A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
he thought i was a dude.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
