we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
MIDGETS
????
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
