That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
