question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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