Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
