WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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