u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
