so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
