i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
