i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
