Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
