My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
