Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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