And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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