just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
