You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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