1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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