i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
