Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
