I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
